Saturday, July 2, 2011
Expressions
Beginning in August of 2011, Blythe Taylor Coaching will offer a new branch of services focused on empowering people to reach for their dreams and holding them accountable to achieve those desires. Expressions, as it will be called, will begin on August the 6th with seven women who will commit to working toward one major project in their lives and counting on their fellow pilgrims to hold them to their commitments. The seven women will reconvene in August of 2012 for a reunion of accountability and celebration. Each of the seven women will invite seven more women who are cherished friends to join them in 2012 and begin to branch the network so that those women can begin to own their wondering about future dreams and bring that wonder to fruition! We are excited to open Expressions by hosting the first Women Owning Wonder! Conference. We covet your prayers and hope that by our efforts our world will become the better!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Expectations
It began as a simple prayer intended for my own spiritual growth. I resolved in early February to practice non-judgment. In hindsight I now realize that you should never ask to grow unless you are willing to embrace the growing pains!
The pains went something like this . . .. I arrived in Atlanta, Georgia with my colleagues ready for a conference that I had anticipated with great excitement. My visions had been that I would make innumerable connections for my business and watch it double in size so that I would find myself fulfilling the dreams I have had for so many years. Quickly, I began to observe a world that was new and different from the world of Baptist ministry that I had known a couple of years prior. My heart sunk as I realized that this idea of starting my life over that had once been so romantic now seemed so very impossible. The expectations of rapid growth for my business sadly dissolved as I came to understand the new need for business growth at a snail's pace.
The pains continued . . .. I had been seeing a man for 18 months and had this expectation that as our relationship grew that we would see each other more frequently. He, a busy man, was working three different jobs and finding time to simply be together was becoming more and more difficult. I found myself becoming demanding and nagging as I so longed to be affirmed that he indeed cared. For a woman whose love language is quality time, I was perceiving that I was quite unloved and undesired. The expectations of a growing relationship felt shattered.
More pains followed . . .. I had been developing some new friendships through my new found work and all of a sudden out of the blue a conflict arose between us. Nothing had changed, it seemed to me, except that one friend had become particularly needy as I judged. I was stunned and while I shall not recount the ins and outs of the interaction, I came to understand that I had an expectation of her that she be consistent, strong, supportive, a team player of sorts. The expectations of consistency instantly was broken.
And even further pains . . ..I ran into an old flame through my new business and he was intrigued by the fact that I looked so very young . . . in fact exactly as I had in my younger adult years. He couldn't stop remarking about it and longed to rekindle our relationship. It was flattering but as I reflected, I realized that with the one exception of my current interest, no man had ever wanted to be my friend first and foremost before jumping into a romantic relationship and my heart sunk once again.
Finally, the breaking point came as I drove toward my workplace feeling a melancholy and longing to hear the happy voice of another. When I called my mother, I got her happy voice and while she listened and sought to encourage, it was fully insufficient for what I felt I so desperately needed. Our conversation ended badly and tears poured down my face. My expectations of having my spirits lifted were lost.
In a moment of clarity from a month of stupor, I woke to an invaluable lesson and whether I can practice in full remains to be seen. In each of the above listed experiences, I came to them with expectations--that my business would thrive quickly and my product would be magnetic--that the man that I adore would long for me as I long for him and adjust his responsibilities to incorporate me more fully in this life--that my friends would never have moments of struggle--that old loves should act on my terms--that my mother should respond to me only in terms of what I need and thus should she be equipped with reading my mind.
How silly are these expectations?! They are so egotistical as if I get to decide the choices that others make, as if I am somehow in control of life's unfolding, as if I am God! How absurd!
Expectations are really judgments of others that we use to attempt to control life, it seems. They are lacking in love. They do not honor other people and they certainly do not honor God. True love accepts life as it is, allows others to be as they are and releases judgments.
My daily prayer for myself these days is that I will release my expectations and choose to love others with sincerity. My success in that department feels next to impossible but I cling to the world of God that "everything is possible to him who believes. (Mark 9:23b)" May it be so! Amen.
The pains went something like this . . .. I arrived in Atlanta, Georgia with my colleagues ready for a conference that I had anticipated with great excitement. My visions had been that I would make innumerable connections for my business and watch it double in size so that I would find myself fulfilling the dreams I have had for so many years. Quickly, I began to observe a world that was new and different from the world of Baptist ministry that I had known a couple of years prior. My heart sunk as I realized that this idea of starting my life over that had once been so romantic now seemed so very impossible. The expectations of rapid growth for my business sadly dissolved as I came to understand the new need for business growth at a snail's pace.
The pains continued . . .. I had been seeing a man for 18 months and had this expectation that as our relationship grew that we would see each other more frequently. He, a busy man, was working three different jobs and finding time to simply be together was becoming more and more difficult. I found myself becoming demanding and nagging as I so longed to be affirmed that he indeed cared. For a woman whose love language is quality time, I was perceiving that I was quite unloved and undesired. The expectations of a growing relationship felt shattered.
More pains followed . . .. I had been developing some new friendships through my new found work and all of a sudden out of the blue a conflict arose between us. Nothing had changed, it seemed to me, except that one friend had become particularly needy as I judged. I was stunned and while I shall not recount the ins and outs of the interaction, I came to understand that I had an expectation of her that she be consistent, strong, supportive, a team player of sorts. The expectations of consistency instantly was broken.
And even further pains . . ..I ran into an old flame through my new business and he was intrigued by the fact that I looked so very young . . . in fact exactly as I had in my younger adult years. He couldn't stop remarking about it and longed to rekindle our relationship. It was flattering but as I reflected, I realized that with the one exception of my current interest, no man had ever wanted to be my friend first and foremost before jumping into a romantic relationship and my heart sunk once again.
Finally, the breaking point came as I drove toward my workplace feeling a melancholy and longing to hear the happy voice of another. When I called my mother, I got her happy voice and while she listened and sought to encourage, it was fully insufficient for what I felt I so desperately needed. Our conversation ended badly and tears poured down my face. My expectations of having my spirits lifted were lost.
In a moment of clarity from a month of stupor, I woke to an invaluable lesson and whether I can practice in full remains to be seen. In each of the above listed experiences, I came to them with expectations--that my business would thrive quickly and my product would be magnetic--that the man that I adore would long for me as I long for him and adjust his responsibilities to incorporate me more fully in this life--that my friends would never have moments of struggle--that old loves should act on my terms--that my mother should respond to me only in terms of what I need and thus should she be equipped with reading my mind.
How silly are these expectations?! They are so egotistical as if I get to decide the choices that others make, as if I am somehow in control of life's unfolding, as if I am God! How absurd!
Expectations are really judgments of others that we use to attempt to control life, it seems. They are lacking in love. They do not honor other people and they certainly do not honor God. True love accepts life as it is, allows others to be as they are and releases judgments.
My daily prayer for myself these days is that I will release my expectations and choose to love others with sincerity. My success in that department feels next to impossible but I cling to the world of God that "everything is possible to him who believes. (Mark 9:23b)" May it be so! Amen.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
A New Opportunity
Blythe Taylor Coaching is offering a new opportunity beginning August 1, 2010 through the end of this year:
- For Current or Past Clients: You may receive $50 off of your current or future coaching package for every new client that you refer!
To take advantage of this opportunity contact BTC by emailing or calling:
blythe@blythetaylorcoaching.com or call 866.877.1158
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Through the Eyes of . . .Natalie
In recent weeks, I have had the pleasure of getting to know a few college students through a coaching experience and while I will not reveal their names, I thought it might be an interesting study to observe in a fictitious sense some of the learnings that I have gleaned about what makes a successful student and a successful collegiate institution.
I thought we would meet each student (again fictitiously) and learn something through their own eyes. Today, let's meet Natalie. Natalie's world revolves around soccer. She loves sports and she is excellent at hers. Her grades are good. She connects with her friends but is a shy person. In the coaching scenario, it is clear that she is not interested and believes herself to be above the need for a coach. To meet with her coach is an inconvenience. Natalie seems content to get along because everything is good. She says that she wants to be a better person but when pushed about what that is, she will not explain because she will not open up.
Natalie's experience with coaching speaks to the challenges that can be presented in the coaching relationship. It would be nice to think that every student would just open up! What Natalie and I have not had is the benefit of entering the school year together--and starting out on new ground together. She was able to find a niche without a coach during her first semester and does not see the need for our relationship. What she fails to see is that she could use this time to push herself toward being that better person that she says she wants to be.
Coaching is about relationship development. My challenge is to find a way to develop relationship with a person that clearly doesn't want to be in relationship to me. Natalie's challenge, apart from opening up to this stranger, rests in learning to be an engaged person. I am of the belief that the successful students of our day and the successful people of our future are people who are willing not just to excel by the standard means but to push the limit and push themselves to be the best that they can be.
Natalie does that in her sport and my dream for her is that she do that in the whole of her life.
I thought we would meet each student (again fictitiously) and learn something through their own eyes. Today, let's meet Natalie. Natalie's world revolves around soccer. She loves sports and she is excellent at hers. Her grades are good. She connects with her friends but is a shy person. In the coaching scenario, it is clear that she is not interested and believes herself to be above the need for a coach. To meet with her coach is an inconvenience. Natalie seems content to get along because everything is good. She says that she wants to be a better person but when pushed about what that is, she will not explain because she will not open up.
Natalie's experience with coaching speaks to the challenges that can be presented in the coaching relationship. It would be nice to think that every student would just open up! What Natalie and I have not had is the benefit of entering the school year together--and starting out on new ground together. She was able to find a niche without a coach during her first semester and does not see the need for our relationship. What she fails to see is that she could use this time to push herself toward being that better person that she says she wants to be.
Coaching is about relationship development. My challenge is to find a way to develop relationship with a person that clearly doesn't want to be in relationship to me. Natalie's challenge, apart from opening up to this stranger, rests in learning to be an engaged person. I am of the belief that the successful students of our day and the successful people of our future are people who are willing not just to excel by the standard means but to push the limit and push themselves to be the best that they can be.
Natalie does that in her sport and my dream for her is that she do that in the whole of her life.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Becoming An Engaged Leader
Last year's downturn in the economy changed the way we operate in this world. It also changed the characteristics required for those who will survive and thrive in the new economy. In the past, we could go along to get along, now we have to be creative achievers who are willing to think outside the box. We have to be spiritual people and we have to be engaged in whatever we do. This means we must know our passions, our gifts, our talents and the trajectories that will help us do what we love and love what we do. We must be engaged leaders in this new economy!
But how do we become those people? Blythe Taylor Coaching launches its first class of 2010 in January on this subject. "Becoming an Engaged Leader" will meet the first three weeks of every month for approximately one hour in January through April. Each participant will receive a free 30 minute coaching session per month. For more information and to sign up, call Blythe Taylor at 866.877.1158 or email her at blythe@blythetaylorcoaching.com.
But how do we become those people? Blythe Taylor Coaching launches its first class of 2010 in January on this subject. "Becoming an Engaged Leader" will meet the first three weeks of every month for approximately one hour in January through April. Each participant will receive a free 30 minute coaching session per month. For more information and to sign up, call Blythe Taylor at 866.877.1158 or email her at blythe@blythetaylorcoaching.com.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Donated Coaching Sessions
This just in! Wingate Baptist Church in Wingate, NC has donated enough funds so that five people can have six free coaching sessions through Blythe Taylor Coaching. If you would like to be one of those five, please email Blythe Taylor at blythe@blythetaylorcoaching.com and she will contact you to schedule your sessions!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Anger as the Pivot Point
Failing (because I'm too much of a perfectionist) . . . needing to be right rather than kind . . . wars that profess our inability to be unified . . . evil, manipulative, dishonest people . . . leaders who fail to stand up for the people that work for them . . . institutions that fail to claim vision . . . discrimination (especially in the church against women and young leaders--isn't that the place everyone is supposed to be accepted?) . . . governments that act in the short term with a total failure to see long-term implications of their decisions . . . ugh, I can feel the blood getting warm . . . these are just some of the things that create anger in me.
We've addressed so many levels of forceful human living . . . (shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear and desire.) With each one we have see how the next level builds on the one previously mentioned. Anger is no different. I think of a small child that desires to have a toy and can't communicate to the parent what he/she wants. The result is total frustration and often a complete meltdown. That's what anger in its negative form is . . . a meltdown.
David Hawkins defines it as "frustrated want." We all have a vision of how our lives should be or how we believe something should work. I would contend that what exists behind a frustrated want is the belief that we are right and everyone else is wrong thus we fuel our perspective or desire and thus we fuel our anger.
Anger can lead to all kinds of reactions--from hatred to any kind of raging expression. It can also have a positive effect. It can be a motivating factor that leads people to do something about oppressive situations (leave the work environment dominated by the dishonest manipulator, run for office to change the function of the government, become introspective so as to unpack one's failures, become a leader with vision and therefore change a lagging institution.)
With all of the things that make me angry, I have one choice to make. Will I choose to be constructive or destructive? Sometimes our anger motivates us to react quickly and poorly. And sometimes, if we can muster the ability to think before we act or speak, we can make slow and steady choices that serve to positively alter not only the trajectories of our lives but of those around us too.
In basketball, the player with the ball has a pivot foot. One foot must remain in place while the other can move around if the player is standing in one place with the ball in hand. This gives the player the time and safety to decide the best path to make the goal. We can liken anger to that pivot foot. It is that pivotal point between moving forward toward greatness or finding a life of frustrated want.
Where anger is concerned there is always a choice for us to make. I hope for us all the ability to sit with anger and then move forward successfully and transformatively toward our goals.
We've addressed so many levels of forceful human living . . . (shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear and desire.) With each one we have see how the next level builds on the one previously mentioned. Anger is no different. I think of a small child that desires to have a toy and can't communicate to the parent what he/she wants. The result is total frustration and often a complete meltdown. That's what anger in its negative form is . . . a meltdown.
David Hawkins defines it as "frustrated want." We all have a vision of how our lives should be or how we believe something should work. I would contend that what exists behind a frustrated want is the belief that we are right and everyone else is wrong thus we fuel our perspective or desire and thus we fuel our anger.
Anger can lead to all kinds of reactions--from hatred to any kind of raging expression. It can also have a positive effect. It can be a motivating factor that leads people to do something about oppressive situations (leave the work environment dominated by the dishonest manipulator, run for office to change the function of the government, become introspective so as to unpack one's failures, become a leader with vision and therefore change a lagging institution.)
With all of the things that make me angry, I have one choice to make. Will I choose to be constructive or destructive? Sometimes our anger motivates us to react quickly and poorly. And sometimes, if we can muster the ability to think before we act or speak, we can make slow and steady choices that serve to positively alter not only the trajectories of our lives but of those around us too.
In basketball, the player with the ball has a pivot foot. One foot must remain in place while the other can move around if the player is standing in one place with the ball in hand. This gives the player the time and safety to decide the best path to make the goal. We can liken anger to that pivot foot. It is that pivotal point between moving forward toward greatness or finding a life of frustrated want.
Where anger is concerned there is always a choice for us to make. I hope for us all the ability to sit with anger and then move forward successfully and transformatively toward our goals.
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